Keeping Busy, but...

Posted November 4, 2014 @ 9:59pm | by S. Cutshall

...not busy enough that my mind doesn't end up drifting toward thoughts like, "So when does this shit let up?" and "Am I losing ground... on a myriad of things like conditioning--riding and walking with ease (unless I want it to become not easy), am I?".

And you know what, none of these thoughts are any good (and probably never were for that matter--but dammit I can't help but think they were also largely responsible for much of what I've accomplished too)... they, for the most part, just end up worrying me, making me feel a constant low level buzz of anxiousness.

Nonstop interior chattering mind.

I am keeping super busy around here but no matter how occupied my brain there is always this little area that keeps saying shit like “this job, task, can’t last forever man... you’re going to have reenter shit sooner than later” and “yeah, keep working hard at those coat hooks or raking the leaves or installing new puck lights in the pantry--but make no mistake motherfucker, I’ll be here waiting for you when you try to go for a walk or ride in the car or get on that bike.”

I wish I could unzip my skull occasionally and just let the fucker air out for an hour or two.

Scared shitless except when I'm not.

Some one tell me something good...

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