The Pea's BIG Day...

Posted October 1, 2008 @ 10:33pm | by S. Cutshall

So, today is our lil' girls birthday.  9 years ago, Amy and me were scared, nervous, happy as insane idiots and had little to no idea about the journey we were hours away from undertaking.

I can recall assembling, and then filling, a birthing water tank... and then Amy saying, "Break it down, don't want it".  Which I did, immediately [you don't mess with a woman hours away from giving birth: do what they say... and live].  I also recall the misery of Amy having ingested copious amounts of caster oil [on the advice of our Midwife to get some labor on], watching her go from, "Yuck, that tasted terrible but not much else is happening" to "Holy Jebus Shit in a Basket, I feel like my insides are going to fly out my hinter-portals!!  I am MISERABLE".

I remember taking her on a walk to help alleviate her misery, and how that made her more miserable.  And also walking to get something to eat, her insisting on coming along, up our street to a Middle Eastern joint for some Shawarma sandwich action, and that by the time we got there she was pacing in a nearly doubled-over position but chanting "I'm fine, really I'm fine... I'm dying, but I'm fine.  Go ahead and eat... eat, Eat, EAT, EAT SOMETHING for %$#@! SAKE".  And how the guy behind the counter, Ibby, was freaking out while getting our order together with, "Oh my God, my friend... Amy doesn't look good out there on the sidewalk.  My friend, what is it that she has wrong with her?".  After telling him, "Oh, she's in labor... we're good though", he grabbed the phone and started dialing 911 and I had to almost jump over the counter to stop him... "No, it's cool Ibby, it's under control.  We're having a home-birth and she's doing as good as expected".  He looked at me like I had 5 eyeballs and had just landed from Planet Moron.  "Why with all the good doctors, hospitals and drugs, my friend, would you do something like we do back in the old country??  WHY??".

I recall it being chilly outside that evening, and once home, Amy stripping naked and walking around the apartment moaning that she was dying, that she was splitting in half.  I called the Midwife constantly and she kept telling me, "Nope, not possible yet... keep me updated".  I remember every time I tried to get a second to actually think about everything that was going on/get a single second to suss thru if we were, in fact, insane for doing things this way, Amy would scream from the bedroom, "SCOTT... NOW, GET IN HERE.  PUT PRESSURE ON MY HIPS AND LOWER BACK, I'M SPLITTING IN HALF.  SCOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"... and I'd run in.  No matter how much I'd press on her lower back and hips, it wasn't enough.  It was now around 1am in the morning, and later that same day -after Chloe was born- Amy noticed that a few of my fingertips had hematomas on them and that her hips had nearly perfect hand outlines on them, in a blueish/purpley red.  I was working too... Amy was just working harder.

The Midwife arrived around 3:30am and was shocked that we were so far along... you could see Chloe's wet hair crowning.  Amy couldn't get comfortable anywhere and kept going between all fours on the bed, to squatting on the floor.

At 6am the real action began and Amy was beyond exhausted.  She kept mumbling "I need to sleep, I'm so tired... I can't do this.  I just need some sleep".  Our Midwife leaned over to whisper in my ear, "She loves you and she needs you.  She always listens to you Scott... get her to push otherwise we're going to have to transfer out to the hospital.  It's time, right now".  At first I began in encouraging tones, and eventually I was screaming at her [the video is difficult to watch at this point because it isn't like a movie or tv moment... I'm screaming, top O' lungs at this gorgeous, naked, exhausted woman: a woman I love more than anything].

Chloe's head came out, and as I had prepared -a lot- for, I cradled it.  Next, shoulders: left first/right second with a whooshing "POP" sound...

and I caught my daughter from in between my wife's legs as she squatted on the floor of our bedroom.  It was 6:30am October 2nd, 1999.

It was profound.  As close to a miracle as I've known, seen, experienced.  Life giving Life.  Love giving Love.

Amy did all this without Meds and the moment I will take with me to the Ether's is this:

Chloe laying on Amy's thighs, Amy sitting in the spot where seconds before our daughter was given to us by Amy & The Universe, me having just cut Chloe's umbilical cord, Chloe looking at me with tiny, unfocused, watery eyes... and me looking up from my daughter to my wife: Amy exhausted but wide-eyed, dripping sweat and in the smallest voice I've ever heard in all my days saying, "Did I do good?".

And Life is a drag?  A bummer?  Shitty?  Not worth doing?  No, I disagree on all counts...

Life, All of It, is a Wondrous Journey.

Yes, you did amazing... everyday, you & Chloe, do Amazing.








Happy Birthday, Chloe [and to Life, itself]!

Keep Ridin'... Always

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