A Requiem

Posted February 27, 2005 @ 7:57am | by S. Cutshall

I can recall vividly the many discussions that Amy and me had when we began talking about extending our own little corner of the populace.

Man did we have some plans.  The whole enchilada was gonna be different, better, bigger, more this and more that.  Yada, blah...

We were going to be the parents of the millennium.  The new model for greatness in all things Parenting.

Hah!

Last night while making sloppy joe's, roasted potatoes and sauteed asparagus for dinner I looked over at Amy and said, "Isn't the reality of shit sometimes so brutal?"  She looked up at me a bit confused as to what I was talking about so I explained further.  "How the hell does a person go, in just 5 short years, from Sparkles, Moonbeams & Happy Happiness to the reality that you mostly suck as a parent & husband?"

She smiled.

My day yesterday involved the following-

1.  While crawling back into bed to wake Chloe & Amy up, accidentally resting my knee onto the curtains over the bedroom window and pulling down the entire window treatment... curtains, panels and all the rods.  Huge gobs of direct sunlight came streaming through the uncurtained window whereupon both Amy & Chloe started yelling at me.

2.  Chloe started screaming out in the kitchen because Angus-our cat-bit her (she was teasing him yet again) while I was standing at the toilet taking a leak.  When she started screaming I quickly turned to look out into the kitchen and while doing so preceded to pee all over the back of the toilet and wall.

3.  Chloe asked for a skateboard to be bought now.  I said we'd think about it and maybe consider one closer to summer.  She looked at me and said that I was "no longer her good friend" and stomped away into the living room.

4.  Amy started telling me something about the Pope's current medical condition and when I said that I had already heard that too she looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry that I'm boring to you" and walked out of the room.

5.  Chloe wanted popcorn chicken for lunch and when I put a plate of them in front of her for lunch began sobbing and saying that they would make her "Bominit".  Bominit is her word for Vomit.

6.  Chloe gave me a Shrek gummy bear and told me to eat it.  I thanked her and did.  15 minutes later she came back and asked me for it.  When I told her that I ate it because she had told me to she started crying and saying that she wanted "a dad who was serious and didn't tease".

7.  Amy asked me what we were having for dinner and I suggested a few things but said I couldn't really start until some dishes were clean not only for cooking but to make room so I could cook.  She looked at me and said, "I am so, so, so sorry you think I keep us in some kind of a filthy home" and left the room.

8.  Chloe asked for chili for dinner and I told her that we were having it tomorrow.  She cried and said I "didn't lover her".  After I made a small batch of chili for her and placed it in front of her she started crying and said she wanted a cheeseburger.

9.  My dad called and during the course of our tense conversation told me, "I was a disappointment as a son".

10.  Amy wanted a back rub while we watched a movie and about 10 minutes into it said, "you rub my back how you want your back rubbed not how I want mine" and moved off the sofa and into a chair.

11.  When I was getting into bed our cat, Angus, reached out from under the bed and bit me in my Achilles tendon.

Crucifixion

 
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